Suicide needs no explanation

When I heard that Robin Williams took his own life, I remember thinking 'makes sense to me.' and didn't think much about it afterward until people started making comments to me like 'you are an inspiration'. I always feel creepy when someone says that about me in general and really creepy when it is in relation to the fact that I have not yet killed myself. What brought this all to mind today was listening to an interview of Robin William's wife, who desperately wants to explain to the world that Robin was not depressed, he had a brain disorder that had plagued him for several years. I felt very sad when she said that she had no inkling about Robin being in a state where he could take his own life. Now, she could reconcile with herself, that a. His death was not something she could have prevented - she could not have and that there was an underlying condition that plagued him.

Anyone, who like Robin, spends or spent so much of his time acting out the persona of other people and with him, had this manic switching from one to the next has to identify with his situation. I do. His inability in any interview to resist breaking into another voice felt so familiar as so many of us need comedy to feel comfortable in most situations. For so many of us who seem happy, or strong, or funny all of the time have a dark place that we avoid. Many of my friends who took their lives while living with the diseases associated with AIDS or with any form of mental illness were just tired of the struggle and the fight. I get it. I respect their decisions. I learned that while some suicides are angry spiteful acts, many just represent reaching one's limit and not wishing to suffer any more. I respect that and pray for their happiness. I am grateful that I have yet to reach that place so that I can do some good before I go, but there is no guarantee that I won't reach the point as others have where committing suicide just makes sense. It is a sad affair, but I can't begrudge anyone's decision to do so.