ABOUT STIGMA

I have very unpopular feelings about 'STIGMA' and HIV/AIDS. From the day that I was diagnosed, I went into my boss' office - and I was only 26, and just flat out told him. I have never felt ashamed of having HIV as many have. I have lived through a lot of disease centered hardship so I know what is entailed in living with this disease from beginning to end - the good years and the bad. Not once have I ever surrendered to outside pressures to hide my status, never misled a potential date.and always felt good about my decision to be out with my disease. You don't ever have to worry about whether or not someone knows - its very freeing.

Let me tell ya, there have been several times when meeting via a dating app, I could have lied to get laid, but that just seemed wrong in so many ways. To be honest - I was never hurt if someone said that they didn't take dating lightly, and don't sleep with POZ people  because they knew that they didn't want to introduce HIV maintenance into their lives. I know exactly what they mean, and empathize. I don't feel Stigmatized or slighted because I have HIV, some people do - I maintain that
everyone has the right to decide what they do and don't want in their lives.

I am not talking about men of different cultures and ethnicities from mine who judge people for having HIV infection, as they think it brings shame on the family, etc. I cannot speak to a situation where someone feels that they are in danger of physical harm because of family mores. That is different.

There is a tendency for various groups of people to play victim where in many cases they are making it up. There is an off-color win in that posture for those who practice being victims. I don't choose to live that way. I find it terribly self destructive.

When I read about and listen to interviews of people who think that their HIV status has caused them to feel stigmatized in everything that they do, I frequently find myself asking the question: So, what was your part in the situation?  Think About it.

I think that in many cases, people make their own misery. I certainly did,but after being forced to answer that awful question 'what was my part in it?' I was forced to realize how much of it was of my own doing. I hated the process, but it was, in the long run. completely freeing.

My next post will be on ACTUP. If anyone reads it, I am sure that some people will take MAJOR exception with what I say.